Revelations 12:1- And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto death.
There is not much that I can remember before the age of three. All I know is that I lived with my biological mother and her boyfriend at the time. I was badly beaten by him with a belt buckle that left scars on my face unti...l this day. My mother killed herself when I was three years old. She left behind three beautiful daughters. I was adopted by my grandfather and his girlfriend at this age. (There is thirty years difference in age between them). When I moved in with them I did not speak. I am not sure why I didnt talk I assume it was the trauma I went through with my mother dieing.
I grew up in a small rural area where there were no other children around for a miles. I started kindergarten and where there were no other black kids. Starting school was rough for me because I didnt speak and didnt socialize much. But, I did know how to get in trouble. I would place thumb tacks on the teachers chairs and beat up kids. I think I saw more of the principals office than class.
My grandfather started sexually abusing me just about as soon as he had full custody. The sexual abuse continued for about twelve years. It was almost an everday thing that happened with him. During the time of the abuse he used different foreign objects on me. There were some very sick and morbid things that happen in that house when mom wasnt there. (I called his girlfriend mom).
I remember when I was in third grade we had a female principal. I loved that woman. I had a crush on her and didnt realize it at that time. I remember a time after my grandfather had his way with me one night, the next day I went to school and asked her to be my mom and take me home. Of course the answer was no.
When I was about nine years old I had a 17 year old male cousin that sexually abused me as well. This happened with him a couple times. At the age of eleven I had an uncle that sexually abused me. This continued for about two years.
During the course of the years between three and fifteen between the three of them sometimes I was molested twice a day.
I had a very negative attitude when it came to men when I got out on my own. When I left home I didnt have any kind of sexual relations with a man until the age of nineteen. The thought of it just totally disgusted me. So, I smoked pot and got drunk. When I was nineteen my first voluntary sexual experience with a man he was 37 years old. That relationship didnt last no longer than a month. Shortly after that I fell into a very abusive relationship with a 32 year old man. He beat me on a daily basis and thats also when I fell into using cocaine.
When I turned 20 I turned to homosexuality. My first girlfriend was 35 years old. We had a very dangerous and unhealthy relationship for two years. She was also in and out of prison as well. During her times of incarceration I was with other women. Which were also much older than me.
I was in long term relationships with three women and I couldn't hold a relationship with a man no longer than 6 months.
At the age of 29 I was so sick and tired of myself and the world around me. I so wanted to end my life. As I sat at a church on the stairs one saturday night I tried to end my life. I remember a friend telling me about the Jesus House and how they treat you like family. So, the next day I walked to this Jesus House and paced the side of the building for about ten minutes. I was fighting with myself to go in. I knew I wanted something different, I knew there had to be more in life. Fear and all I went in and the pastor was preaching about suicide. As I sat and listened I started feeling hope, peace and knew something was going to be different.
I have been saved for almost nine years. During the course of time I gave my life to the Lord, got baptized and started applying the Word of God to my life. Romans 12:2- Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, His good, pleasing and perfect will.
As I continued this journey with the Lord I didnt have any intentions of getting married. I didnt think the Lord was going to bring me a husband. I felt dirty, disgusting and I also didnt know how to treat a man. A matter of fact I didnt know how to be a woman. During my times of homosexuality I transformed myself into the image I thought I was. I walked around strapped and grabbing myself like a man. I toughened my outter appearance so it seemed like I was this tough and hardcore person. I got in so many fights so people would know not to mess with me and the delusions continues.
June 30, 2012, I got married to this wonderful man of God. He has also been delivered out of homosexuality as well. We work together in sharing our testimonies in what God has done in our lives. To being a witness to others that struggle in homosexuality. (1 Peter 3:15- But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.) My husband and I both understand and know the power of Jesus Christ and what he can do in our lives and yours too. The Lord our God heard our desperate cry and He rescued us from the darkness. (Psalm 34:17- The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from their troubles).
We have left our sinful pasts to enter into Gods kingdom we have left darkness and have stepped into the light of Jesus Christ to be the light to others.